At the end of the day, a narcissist is not a healthy companion for anyone, and the best thing you can do is to try and remove them from your life and move on.
© A Conscious Rethink
I have been practicing this slowly over time. It truly is like death by disease when it’s someone you have loved and cared about for over 57 years. I’ve been fairly hardcore over time but it finally has beat me to a pulp. I have to give in and practice “no contact” to permanently get as far away from the manipulations and crazy behaviors as soon as possible. I have to get away from the triggers that cause me to become unglued and have serious melt downs in private over someone else’s mental disease.
Today I disconnected a little more. I refused a shallow celebration. 1 FB-gone, 2 FB-hide. Will soon end the little bird spreading birdshit.
Failed to recognize my worth.
Failed to respect my roles.
Lack of cooperation.
Collections. (soon after the death of my love)
Unilaterally reducing sums of money without consideration of careful planning. At least 2 to 3 times.
Not running the gift given but turning it over to an idiot.
Failing to communicate properly.
Sexist, misogynistic behavior for years and years.
Lying, backstabbing
Utter lack of respect
Using others to make yourself the hero or to make yourself feel better.
Being a controlling asshole.
Betrayal and a nefarious agenda.
A lifetime of Bullying
You tattled.
You failed to visit your friend.
You wanna buy me something for 40 years, but me a ROLEX, not a fucking trophy. No farewell party necessary, thank you very much. Just like you did to the rest, not for me you piece of shit. I’ll haunt you. I don’t need your applause. I know my worth. You should have known it.
Anger, frustration. Empathy, compassion. Done. My decision is “no contact” to be the best way of moving forward.
This is what gray rock is all about, hiding your valuables. I know the lying will never stop and every moment of every day of their lives is a lie. Smoke and mirrors. Perceptions and lies. In reality I always knew that he didn’t have my back. There is no redemption in my life for these persons.
If you have a bathtub and like taking baths, they are very soothing. Another thing that I have just read and am very intrigued by is the use of rose water which apparently is available at most pharmacies and health food stores. It was really popular for women in the 1800’s to use rose water, to dab or mist themselves with rose water to soothe them emotionally.
To me if they are toxic they are out of my life. Sometimes though, people demand that you interact with the abuser, and I used to let that influence me, but NO MORE, if someone supports a person who has abused me and they know that person has abused me, but still interact with them then I don’t need that person in my life either. End the anger and the hateful grudge feelings felt for way too long. Create Peace.
I do not say a word that is not recorded in an e mail.
The best revenge is living well.
“Shunning” is a powerful tool.
Even slight contact with an abuser is like cutting a piece off our minds and bodies every day instead of just amputating the cancer permanently. Do not reveal your emotion. Be prepared for him to create MORE drama as he becomes more desperate to push your buttons. Be boring!
Of course I want to tell them to fuck off and call them out. And I have! But there is truly no power in these words to a narcissist and it’s just better to be quiet and ignore them. I can never truly know what goes on inside the head of this person. I can only hypothesize. We ***know*** that they do not have a conscience, remorse, or empathy, but we cannot really know WHY. Genetic? Sure, that plays a factor. Learned? Most definitely. Both? You bet. But………I cannot change or “help” these people. Nobody can. They can’t even help themselves. They know that their actions are inappropriate, at the very least, but they do not have the capacity to care.
“What we have here is a failure to communicate.”
Sadly, sometimes all you can do is let go for good. – All details aside, this is your life. You may not be able to control all the things toxic family members do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them in the long run. You can decide not to let their actions and opinions continuously invade your heart and mind. And above all, you can decide whom to walk beside into tomorrow, and whom to leave behind today. In a perfect world we would always be able to fix our relationships with toxic family members, but as you know the world isn’t perfect. Put in the effort and do what you can to keep things intact, but don’t be afraid to let go and do what’s right for YOU when you must.
Marc and Angel
There may be any number of reasons why.
The day you decide it doesn’t matter why, you’re not being spoken to, or treated this way, and draw the line is the day you free yourself to make the decision more permanent.
I’ll tell you right now, that line in the sand is a good start but it’s not intended to threaten them into change. They will challenge you right back and call you one it, escalating their abusive nonsense until you make that ultimate decision.
They presume you will back down. Instead, the decision to cut ties, close doors, drop all contact, refuse to allow them in your life and affairs is the one they can’t get around.
Let them wonder “why” for awhile (but chances are they won’t as people like this haven’t the presence of mind for self awareness or reflection) – the sad reality is they’ll just shrug it off as you are the bad guy with the problem, they’re the poor victims and let you go…
Spot the tells and refuse to engage. We are allowed to pick and choose those people that will be in our inner circle. If we understand that we don’t need another person’s approval and that we have everything that we need, already in side us, we don’t have to allow ourselves to FEEL obligated to explain or defend ourselves – OR, to give any part of our own personal feelings or beliefs away.
Now, it takes practice, but it does become easier and more effective. It’s not a act of vengeance, punishment, or malice. It’s simply a choice to protect ourselves from toxic people. 🙂
Keep your mouth shut, play your cards close to the proverbial vest, and give NOTHING of yourself away. Stay private.
Thank you whoever you are for giving me someone for whatever time I could have with him that would shine the right light for me. And I remember finding “silence is golden”. And I will use it.