I’m a woman in my early 30s. I’ve gone on about 100 online first-dates over the past 6 years, and had great relationships with 3 men I met online, ranging in length from months to years. I’d ideally like to get married in the next few years, so I’m looking for a stable, loving relationship with a very compatible partner.
All of my online dates have been good, probably because my profile & pics represent me accurately, I only agree to meet interesting-seeming guys, and I love connecting with new people so it’s very easy for me to smooth over any awkwardness. Standard date is a light meal, maybe followed by a couple of drinks; conversation flows pretty well, good body language, nice hug goodnight, usually no kiss. The last three guys I’ve dated were the guys who somehow made a big impression- either because we had a crazy coincidental moment of deep connection, or just because they were confident/interested enough to flirt well, smooch me on the first date, and call the next day. Those all worked out pretty well and I’m glad we dated.
But there were a lot of nice, cute guys who I’d have considered dating more, but there was no huge spark, and they didn’t go for the first-date kiss, so when they wanted to keep dating, I let things trail off because eventually another guy grabbed my attention more vigorously.
I like mellow, quietly confident guys who are subtly funny. This type of guy doesn’t always make a big first impression, and often they’re not “funny” until I get to know them. So it’s hard for me to tell the great guys from the good guys, which means the guys I end up dating are the ones who choose ME, rather than me choosing them. No regrets, but right now I have more potential dates than free nights… and I’d like to take things slower physically and maybe try to avoid kissing on the first date, too. So I want to give myself some clearly articulated reasons for saying yes to second and third dates. On any given night I could go for a second/third date, or I could meet an intriguing new guy. How do I decide? how to find the great guys among the many good guys?
I’ve considered the following criteria:
– He makes me laugh (but subtle humor can be slow to develop, and besides, my two funniest exes were NOT funny on our first date)
– I’m attracted to him (but they’re all reasonably attractive or I wouldn’t meet them, so this is too broad)
– He’s interesting (but almost everyone is interesting if you ask the right questions, plus introverts get better with time)
– Superficial stuff, like he paid for the date, has a decent car, prestigious job, etc (but I don’t actually want these to be my criteria)
– He’s warm and open, tells me straight-up that he likes me (this is great, but discriminates against introverts)
– He says things that surprise me or make me think new thoughts (this is rare!)
– He shows enthusiasm by quickly asking me out again (this one I’m cool with, although it probably also discriminates against introverts)What other criteria could I use?
Introverted men, I’m especially curious to hear how you’d want to be selected.
Bras Suck!