Question

My boyfriend uses the Internet to search and look at porn. I do realize this is very normal!

But he has been doing it for years, at every opportunity – at work, when I’m away and even when I’m in the same room! 

Each time it happens I tell him how upset I am and he is very upset and embarrassed, but he still continues! He always seems to convince me he loves me and its not a big deal.

Now I am depressed all the time and feel totally disgusted with the way I look, I cry all the time but don’t want to upset him with my problem – or is it his problem?

I can’t tell him to stop, but I can’t ever accept this habit.

Answer

David writes:

Why do you say that what he is doing is (and I quote) ‘very normal!’? Guys who are in a good and happy relationship don’t scour the Net for porn, though they may glance at it now and again.

No, it’s not your problem, it’s his.

Do you really want to go on with this strangely unbalanced relationship? It’s up to you.

Christine adds:

OK: most men – and some women – have a look at internet porn once in a while. But you’re describing a form of obsession.

Certainly, his behaviour is very distressing for you. And personally I find it quite odd. Frankly, if a man can’t get the majority of his kicks from having sex with his own girlfriend, I think he’s got a real problem and for a guy who is in a relationship, it is quite strange.

You are finding this demeaning. And who can blame you? Personally I think you should ask yourself what this relationship holds for you. The problem won’t get better in my opinion.

You say you can’t accept it. But what I think you have to accept is that he’s unlikely to change. So I think you should consider getting yourself out of this relationship before your self-esteem plummets further.

Good luck to you.