I’ll die before I’m very old, I don’t know why, I just have this feeling.
Monday, October 21, 2002
“I remember someone saying if you try heroine once you’ll become hooked. Of course I laughed and scoffed at the idea but I now believe this to be very true. Not literally, I mean if you do dope once you don’t instantly become addicted it usually takes about one month of every day use to physically become addicted. But after the first time your mind say ahh that was very pleasant as long as I don’t do it every day I won’t have a problem. The problem is it happens over time … With everyone some time at least once a year some sort of crisis happens to everyone, the loss of a friend or mate or relative this is when the drug tells you to say fuck it. Every drug addict has said fuck it more times than they can count … By the time you’ve said fuck it the long process of trying to stay off begins. The first kick is usually easy if you have pills. You basically sleep. Which is bad in my opinion because you think if its that easy I could get hooked and kick for the rest of my life. By the second and third time it becomes very different. It takes sometimes 5 times longer. The psychological factors have set in and are as damaging as the physical effects. Every time you kick as time goes by it gets more uncomfortable. Even the most needle phobic person can crave the relief of putting a syringe in their arm. People have been known to shoot water, booze, mouthwash, etc. drug use is escapism whether you want to admit it or not … Every junkie I’ve ever met has fought with it at least 5 years and most end up fighting for about 15-25 years, until finally they have to resort to becoming a slave to another drug the 12 step program which is in itself another drug/religion. If it works for you do it. If your ego is too big start at square one and go the psychological rehabilitative way. Either way you’ve got at least 5 to 10 years of battle ahead of you.”
Kurt Cobain wrote this in his diary in February 1994. A few weeks later he almost died from a heroin overdose. On April 5, 1994 he commited suicide.
Some people don’t think he kept a diary. In this interview he said he never kept a diary or journal. Nevertheless Cobain’s diary will be released on November 4, and you can read some pieces of it here in his handwriting.
~original restored by mc on 7/12/17~